I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
