I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize