i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
