our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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