dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Watching her eat just hurts me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
