Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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