god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I look better un-naked...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
