is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
