At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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