Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
