we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
