I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
