end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
