i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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