woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We need to get me chipped asap
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
