We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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