I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
