cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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