drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
