I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
