i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
