I'm going to jail i love you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
