the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
