So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
