Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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