And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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