We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
