I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
