I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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