a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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