I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
