Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
