that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What a dumb baby whore.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize