2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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