my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
