they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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