I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize