just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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