I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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