I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
