You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
