I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
