You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
