I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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