All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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