were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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