The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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