so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
