there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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