I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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