I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
