dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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