You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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