He had one of those small greek statue penises
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
