I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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