WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My ass is underappreciated
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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