So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Two words: blizzard sex
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
