no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
