His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize