sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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