if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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