Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
