Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
