i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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