Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
