The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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