you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
