some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
